Waiting With a Timeline

Who remembers playing the game M-A-S-H as a little girl and dreaming about what kind of car, house, and husband you would have? Along with that, how many kids you will have and what age will you get married at?

Or even better, playing dress up and imagining your wedding day. Do I still not have ya pegged yet? Okay… what about playing the game, The Sims, where you virtually built your dream home and were able to create exactly what your kids would look like and pick who your husband would be.

I remember all of these things. I remember using my crushes names’ as my future husband. I remember wanting to grow up and have my own family… and I remember wanting to make all this a reality in my early 20’s.

As a preteen, I didn’t really fully understand what all of this meant. I didn’t understand what having a family in my early 20’s would look like, that it would actually be a bit of a struggle, especially if I didn’t have all my ducks in a row myself first. This was the norm at the time and so I wanted to be normal.

To say I’m thankful that I had the chance to fully grow in my twenties is quite the understatement. I’m glad I had the chance to learn how to make a way for myself; to learn about life struggles and how to combat loneliness and find out what my passions are. I never truly knew what a gift singleness was until I was no longer single.

I tried to do everything to prepare myself for when the man of my dreams walked into my life. I tried to strengthen my walk with Jesus, read countless relationship books and listened to so many podcasts. I kept hearing about this gift of singleness and to appreciate it, but as my twenties were coming to an end, I was getting impatient.

If this is you, I want to say —

don’t grow weary just yet. instead grow stronger and ground yourself in the season you are in right now.

We learn at a really young age what life could hold for us in our future. We see our parents and we grow to want that love with someone too. This is all totally normal and how God intended for us to live our lives when He created man and woman.

The thing I am struggling with is the timeline of society.

I am the planner of all planners. I like to know what’s next and what to expect; but let’s be real here… real life doesn’t happen like it does in The Sims. We can’t control what our kids will look like or even WHEN/ IF we will have kids.

This post is for anyone who feels the stress of time. Who struggles to not conform to society in saying that we should start a family before a certain age. Especially for the women who feel the stress of a biological clock dictating when your ovaries will shrivel into raisins.

I am guilty of all of this!

It breaks my heart to admit that because really, all I am saying to God is, “are you really there?” I’m questioning His plans because I have my own plans, my own timeline and idea of how I want things to go. I’m asking Him, “do you really know the desires of my heart, Lord?”

This plan has been engrained in me since I was a little girl. And now with the power of social media, you can’t help but feel the pressure of when will it be my turn whats next?

The chains of the enemy are strong, but my God is stronger!

The enemy knows where I am weak and where I doubt and he uses that as his opportunity to creep in and try to discourage me. But instead of falling for his trap, I’m going to claim my stake in heaven and fully trust in the words of Jeremiah 29:11.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

My life might not be in line with exactly what I had imagined for myself as a young girl, but what I’m learning is that it’s okay to not follow the norm and to take your time. In the end, life is about making it through the turbulence and landing safely, rather than how fast can we get to a destination.

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