My last boyfriend broke up with me and his last, lingering words that I still hear today were, “go find you a guy that loves Jesus.” As much as that broke my heart in the moment, it’s the truth. He knew he wasn’t the guy for me and did me a huge favor… so now fast forward 3 years to today and those words still ring true.
So now I had a guy right in front of me, wanting to be my boyfriend, but why wasn’t it still enough?
From the beginning, there was this nagging feeling that I wish I had listened to quicker — I just knew something wasn’t right about this new relationship, but I’m human and think I can handle it myself. Boy was I wrong, but how many of us do this about so many aspects in life?! Between the immediate attraction, the convenience, and the mindset of finally having someone to do life with after waiting what seems like forever, I was in over my head.
Why didn’t I trust those red flags??
It’s so hard to not feel like we are alone when we are in a season of waiting. God doesn’t put you in a season as a form of punishment or to showcase your weaknesses. He is building up your faith and strength in Him, so that when the temptation and distraction does come our way, we are more prepared for that turbulence.
If you feel like you know what you want in a relationship, don’t settle. I almost did, but then I took a step back to remember all that I’ve accomplished the past few years and I knew I deserved more. I deserved a guy that pushes me towards Jesus, that challenges and motivates me, that PURSUES me and wants to take me on dates and court me. I want the butterflies that come with the honeymoon phase. I want someone that truly sees me for me and wants to learn all about the desires of my heart.
Once I finally realized this guy wouldn’t ever do this, I had to throw in the towel. We can’t change people, only they can change themselves. We can’t wait and hope they change because you won’t be happy in the meantime. You’ll want more and you deserve more.
With each relationship, I try to not think of it as “it failed” and “oh something must be wrong with me” — but I try to take something from each one to learn for the next time.
That being said, I know what I want in a relationship and hold those standards true. It may be an uncomfortable season that God has me in right now and it’s hard to walk away from instant gratifications of this world, but all this waiting hasn’t been for nothing. The wait will be worth it.
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