Breakups are painful. There’s no way around it – they hurt, and it’s just so easy to fall into unhealthy patterns. But you are stronger than that, and you can use the pain of this experience to make your breakup your breakthrough!
After a breakup, it can feel impossible to have any kind of breakthrough.
I know the feeling: you’re sprawled out on the bathroom floor, unable to get up, crying over how much you miss him and how much your heart is aching. There’s a giant, gaping hole in your heart – like you’re no longer a complete person. Like one half of you has decided to just walk away entirely and give up on everything you had planned for your future together. And it hurts.
I’ve been there before, too. I hurt so badly from my heartache that I thought I would never survive the pain that I was feeling. After my breakup, I fell into this deep, dark hole that I couldn’t see any way out of – no ladder to climb and no rope to pull me out. I thought I would never smile again, never laugh, never find the light at the end of that tunnel. So I understand that right now it may seem impossible to recover from such a devastating moment. How can you make a breakthrough when you feel so much pain?
But friend, the pain of this breakup will not keep you down forever.
I knew that I had to do something to get out of the dark hole I found myself in, so once I could finally get off of the bathroom floor I cut off all communication with my ex, even though it hurt. Then, I put on a mask for others to see – a mask that showed the world that I was strong, that I didn’t miss him, and that I was full of energy, traveling the world, and having fun. I put on cute dresses and big smiles, and I filled my feed with photos of me obviously not missing him at all. I wanted to show the world, and myself, that I was better.
Except behind that mask, I was missing him, I was not feeling strong, and I was exhausted from crying all the time. I was hiding behind this perfect façade, showing others what I wanted them to see, but I wasn’t doing any favors for myself. That’s when I realized that I hadn’t taken the time to truly dive into my heartbreak and discover the things that were holding me back.
You won’t be able to shed that mask either until you allow yourself to grieve the loss of your relationship and learn to forgive, which you can find tips for in my previous post How to Be At Peace With Yourself After a Breakup. But you will also need to take a good, long look at your heartache and your truth. Take a look at who you are now, who you want to be in the future, and what might be holding you back from becoming the person you truly want to be.
It’s time to make this breakup your breakthrough.
When I looked at myself – and I mean really looked deep within myself – I realized that there were three things that held me back from becoming the most amazing version of myself. I call these the “Three Ls”: the lies that you believe, the limiting beliefs that you hold, and the love you have (or don’t have) for yourself. Facing the Three Ls requires you to sit with some uncomfortable feelings and be extremely honest with yourself about why you are the way that you are, but it is so important for you to face these head on so you can experience your true transformation and make this breakup your breakthrough!