Listen, I get it. You are struggling with the thought of losing your other half and trying to manage how to enjoy all this newfound time alone with yourself. You’ve tried all the self-care pampering out there and have eaten more ice cream and binged more Netflix than you want to talk about, but you still feel that hole in your heart and no matter what you do, it won’t go away.
I describe this feeling, like you’ve fallen into a dark hole and there is no ladder to get out. You are screaming for someone to save you, to come rescue you from this pit of emotions, but your knight and shining armor has already taken off and has left you, alone.
Friend, the thing is, nobody else will ever fill that void you are feeling if you haven’t filled it with love for yourself first. Nobody can rescue you from this heartbreak of hurt you are feeling, but yourself. It’s your pain and only you know the depths of this blindsiding pain of your breakup. it’s time to rescue yourself for once, instead of always waiting for someone else to bring the bandage.
Right now, I get it’s hard to imagine how you can be at peace with yourself after a break up, but these tips will help propel you into finding that inner peace and strength to heal with pain and get you out of this dark hole you’ve fallen into.
Steps to Find Peace with Yourself After a Breakup:
- Allow yourself to properly grieve the breakup. The heartbreak that comes with a breakup can often be similar to the feeling of a loved one dying. Essentially, the communication is cut off, you stop seeing that person every day, and the future you had hoped for is no longer going to happen with your ex. This is a lot to process and an essential part in letting go after a break up, so don’t rush this grieving process, but also don’t allow yourself to get stuck in it for too long. Hold onto the hope that one day the pain will hurt less, that day just might not be today. We talk more in-depth about the grieving process in my Breakup Bootcamp: How To Go From Heartbreak to Healing and the importance of understanding each stage. Having this knowledge about the grieving cycle help you understand you are not alone in your feelings, nor are you a crazy person like someone may have labeled you and that is now a belief you are carrying around with yourself. Grieving is the necessary process to work through heartbreak of any kind, whether it’s the loss of a loved one, partner or friend and your grieving process is your own. If you are truly seeking how to gain peace of mind after a breakup, start with understanding what you are walking through had been walked by so many others. The final stage of the grief cycle is acceptance. It may seem like you will never be okay with this new reality you have found yourself in, but one day you will accept this ending and the feeling of regretting breaking up will subside.
- Don’t wait around for an apology. Most likely the apology will never come and as you wait around for it, you are still allowing the pain of the breakup to have power over yourself. Whether you were blindsided by the breakup or regretting breaking up, the words and actions that were exchanged between the two happened. You will never learn how to be at peace with yourself after a breakup if secretly you are harboring resentment towards that person because they never owned up to their actions and apologized
A resentful heart will lead to a bitter and cold heart.
- Forgive. Not only do you need to forgive your ex, but you must forgive yourself. You might be thinking how do I forgive someone that cheated on me or abandoned me and my kids? The truth is, you are not forgiving this person for their sake, you are forgiving them for you and for your peace of mind. The most common mistake in failed relationships is reaching out to the person for closure, but when you forgive, you are slowly finding how to get peace of mind after a breakup on your own terms.
The toughest part of letting go after a breakup is realizing the other person already did.
I was the girl talking about engagement rings and a future with my ex and then the next thing I know, we broke up. To say I was completely blindsided by this breakup is an understatement. I thought this was my forever person. I felt lied to, betrayed, and abandoned. I didn’t even know how to begin to pick up the pieces of this failed relationship, but I knew I needed to learn how to get peace of mind after this breakup before it broke me to my core. I went through the grieving process and got stuck on a few stages that were not my finest moments, like showing up at his door unannounced trying to convince him that I was feeling regrets from breaking up and that we could make this workout. Our story didn’t end with us getting back together and it took me a solid year to work through the pain. But my healing journey of working through my heartbreak pain has forever transformed me and I can finally say that my breakup was my breakthrough moment to wake up and live my life for me, instead of chasing the next best thing to fill the hole in my heart. I learned how to find my superpower of loving myself and this gave me the peace of mind I was searching for after my breakup.
Related blog post: Breakup to Bali, My Self-Love Retreat
The feeling of being alone for the first time after your breakup makes you feel a rush of new emotions and this is difficult to navigate by yourself. I spent countless hours working on myself, from booking a ticket to the other side of the world and going on my own Eat, Pray, Love journey in Bali to spending more money at my therapist than I did on food for the month. I was running from my pain, search for peace of mind, and I created an online course from my healing journey specifically with you and your pain you are feeling in mind.
If you want more practice on how to be at peace with yourself after a break up and learn resources and tools on how to forgive and let go after a breakup, come join us in my Breakup Bootcamp e-course and learn How to Go From Heartbreak to Healing with other like-minded women that understand the pain you are going through. We also have a free Facebook group where you can connect and support each other in your healing journey.
But first maybe you are thinking —
I can just numb myself from all this pain. I don’t need some forgiveness practice, I’ll just go out with my girlfriends and find a new guy at the bar and I’ll show my ex what they are really missing out on. And your right, you can totally go out and find a new guy to hookup with and help you forget about your pain for the night, but what happens in the morning? and the next day? and the week/month/year after that? Is that really the type of life you want to live? The type of life where you have to keep chasing something to fill in the hole in your heart that was caused from your breakup.
This is what your future will look like if you keep suppressing the pain from your failed relationship. It’s time to deal with the pain and learn how to properly let go after a breakup. There is no judgement if that is the path that you’ve already been on to try and mend your heart back together. You are here now! You are seeking answers to deal with this pain. You are beginning the process of picking up the pieces of your heart and trying to get your life back together.
At the end of the day, all you have is yourself and there is only one of YOU! Yourself is waiting on you to show up for her. She needs your love, she needs your energy, she needs your heart.
I’m rooting for you. I have been in the depths of the valley you are in right now. I know what it feels like for friends and family members to tell you to just get over it and move on. I know what it feels like to have to start over and the thought of even trying to get out into the dating world again is unfathomable. I’m here to be your breakup bestie, big sis, or whatever type of support you need because I remember the feeling of just wanting someone to talk to that understood my pain and let me process it with them. Find me and more resources on instagram or enroll in Breakup Bootcamp. It will be the best type of bootcamp you’ve ever walked out of — and I promise there won’t be any burpees!
Let’s find that love for yourself again, sis!